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This is why I hate myself…

My Story…


Hi my name is Sam, I am 15 and this is my story. Well first off if you looked at this picture, you would think “what is that dot above her belly-button?” or some people like to say, “is that a second belly-button?” no it’s not. I was born with a rare medical condition. I don’t think there is a name for it, but basically when I was in my mom’s stomach, the ultra-sound lady told my mom I had all my organs that are supposed to be in my stomach pushed up in my diaphragm area or chest. They told my mom there would be a 90% chance I wouldn’t come out alive. Only 20 out of a billion babies survive from this situation and I was the lucky one out of 20. When it came time to deliver me, my mom got me out from a sea-section and I immediately had to go into Life-Star to Boston Children’s Hospital. No, my mom didn’t get to hold her new born baby girl all swaddled up in a pink blanket. Matter of fact, my mom couldn’t hold me until 3 weeks later. When I arrived at the hospital I immediately had to go into surgery. The doctors cut open my stomach just bellow my chest (that line bellow my chest in the picture) and had to re-arrange my organs back into place. I wasn’t eating due to my messed up stomach. Every time I ate orally, I would just throw it back up. I can’t throw up anymore due to this and people always say I am lucky but it’s just flem that comes up. So due to me not being able to eat, I obviously had to get my nutrition somehow so I had to have a thing called a Gastrostomy Tube put in or a G-Tube which is a tube that is surgically embedded into my stomach and hooked up to a machine that pumped liquids into me so I can get the nutrition that I need. After all that crazy business unfortunately, that surgeon didn’t do a great job of fixing me and that surgery fell apart literally and I had to be rushed to the hospital again and have the surgery re-done. I can tell you that so far it hasn’t fallen apart after 15 years :) Growing up was tough. When I was younger, like any other 4-8 year old didn’t care about their looks, it didn’t bother me. I would go to the beach and be totally fine and show it off haha. But as I got older I started feeling more and more insecure. I was afraid to go to the beach because people would ask me if I had a “second belly-button”. That is obviously not the case, but yes it did hurt. I didn’t want to be know as “the girl with the second belly-button”. I wanted to be BEAUTIFUL. When I go to the beach now I usually cross my arms to cover it up. It’s hard, it really is to see gorgeous girls your age with these beautiful figures and you have a gross scar and a mark above your stomach. Especially cute guys all around you and your sitting their like your this weird girl surrounded by these super models. People always say, “it doesn’t matter, you are beautiful in your own way” I know I am and I have heard it a thousand times, and it always brings a smile to my face but it’s harder than you think. To go from a totally insecure girl hiding her scar because she is  embarrassed  to this strong girl who doesn’t care what people think. I know people stare, I know people question why I look like that but most importantly I know that I Samantha Jayne Gauthier was put on this earth for one reason and I will get there one day. For now I am just another person searching for who they are. I lastly just wanted to let everyone know out there that you are beautiful you are amazing and you were put on this earth for a reason. If you are ever feeling ugly just look in the mirror and tell yourself “YOU ARE WORTH IT” hey, I do that sometimes and it helps it really does. Just be YOU. No one else can be as unique and beautiful as YOU. Thank you for reading my story. 

love, Samantha.

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